Toilet Humour

I'm so glad that in these tech-heavy times where everyone's obsessed with hunching themselves over thir laptops, befriending, adding, poking and winking, people still feel the need to express themselves ('scuse the pun) in toilet cubicles. I love it. Reasons why it pull's facebook's pants down and runs away:

1. You don't need a computer..this is old school - a marker pen...a lipstick..or hell even your own vomit will do.

I get you

2. It's interactive. But you don't have to be someone's friend to have your say. Just scribble it underneath and scurry away..hurah!

Run! Though it might take her a while to catch you, don't worry

3. It can be completely annonymous. So Bobby G has a small penis? You got an STD off of Tony who works behind the bar? You think that person's philisophical ramblings above the door handle are more full of shit that this toilet? Let the world know.. (ok the small part of the world that visits that particular cubicle anyway) .

Poor Roger..always the last to know..

 4. It's beautiful in its simplicity. There's no smileys, you can't 'like' it and it doens't link you to a page about free cat food. It's expression in its simplest form - whatever's going through your head at 2am on a friday night as you spill your vodka and lemonade on the floor, puke that last sambuca up and rest your head on the loo roll dispenser and have a little cry about Brian, the guy from accounts who you thought felt the same way until you just saw him feel up Jenny from reception at the bar...just scrawl it up there innanely until you snap that new glittery Rimmel eyeliner pencil clean in two...screw you Brian, screw you and your polyester suits and novelty ties...SCREW YOU...

Brian..RIP

Rubbish Winehouse Tribute

I was in Camden the othe day and walked passed this, a unique graffiti tribute to Amy Winehouse. Nice enough. But the thing that confused me about this touching little shrine wasn't just the sad looking empty bottle of beer, which I could've overlooked as some sort of homage to her troubled life. But the half drunk mocca choca latte?? Were people trying to keep Britain's biggest caner's spirit alive with caffine? As I'm sure there are other stimulants she'd have appreciated up there. Or were they just too lazy to Keep Britain Tidy? Who knows. 

 

NB I also just realised that it looks like she's shitting out a teeny tiny flying unicorn. Ouch.

Meals on Wheels

Awesome. A pro skateboard dude has designed his house to be completely skateable in. Sick. I'm thinking about designing one in which you never have to get out of bed. And you sort of travel round on your bed to get to the fridge, go for a wee etc...

Devon-sent

Dude. Where's my surfboard.

You know, I reckon we could get Athena back in business with this photo. Cheers Ross.

Three's up..

3 x 1?

...1, 2, 3. Excellent News: De La Soul playing Lovebox this Saturday. Am thinking of recreating 'flat-top' hair in their honour. Screw YOU rain forecast. Pass me the clippers..

Is it a bird?

No it's some bloody brilliant Graffiti artist in Bulgaria...

Kerpowski!



BEFORE

Not sure about Father Christmas coming under the Superhero catagory though. You'd be pretty gutted with that superpower - getting to spend all year making and delivering fucking presents. Then again, what does Ronald McDonald bring to the table? Burgers I guess. Shit, set myself up for that one.

The Good, The Bad and The really really Bad...

The Good...

Loving this track from Little Dragon - Ritual Union. It's from their new album of the same same which is due out I think in July some time. First I heard of them was her doing some vocals on Gorillaz Plastic Beach, and they supported them on tour. But they've been around a while. And more importantly I have a massive girl crush on her. I think it's the way she's wielding the solitary drum stick around. It's pretty tough to do that and not look like either a. you've lost the other one or b. an orchestra conductor. I've tried.

 The Bad...

and The really really Bad...

Oh come on Britters, just give it up. First night of her tour last night and she stomped around like a bad Britney impersonator in drag. Now, I'm not usually one to slag off celebs for putting on a few pounds, BUT, if you're gonna limply writhe around on stage in a rhinestone two piece, fishnets, and matching rain mac, get your gym ball out Brit. Oh but I shouldn't be too down on the pour mite really, as this time apparently she's singing (not lip syncing) 40% of her songs. 40! Well done you petal.

Enjoyment=XX²

This is the new track from Jamie XX - Far Nearer, and I like it very much. Testamount to which is the fact I've listened to it 3 times in a row this morning. That's 21 minutes, and it's only 11.56am. If I was good at maths that ratio of listening time divided by recreational availibility at work over minutes in the day would equal massive enjoyment percentage. Or something. Seriously, if you want to have a successful Summer track, all you need to do is put a couple of steel drums in there. Fact. (Mysterious Girl anyone?)

'you're little penis is on the internet'

Genius. This is a video some guy took of people pissing in the street in Hoxton. He's done it to shame them with the threat of putting it on youtube. Which he has. I like his thinking but I'm not conviced these people, pissed up at 4 in the morning, keen to get back to that rave in a carpark actually give two shits. Especially since he's blurred out their faces which kind of defeats the object. My favourite bit though is when he shouts to a guy that his tiny penis is on the Internet. I bet his mum is so proud. Although his departure complete with middle finger salute makes me think he's not actually too bothered. Well maybe about his tiny penis. But not about some loon shouting inanely from a rooftop perving at people's penis'. Oh and girls aren't exempt either. It's tough trying to waddle off with pants round your ankles. I've heard. Now, I know this guy has a point but I think he's walking a fine line between vigilante and sex pest to be honest. I think he'd be better off making those people who spew up neat little chunky piles of sick on a Friday/Saturday night, clear it up with  mop and a nice bit of dettol. Thanks. Disgruntled from Tunbridge Wells.

Just add a mojito and serve..

New track from DJ Marky. Yellow Shoes. Actually does some vocals on this as well, nice. Makes me feel proper Summery...and gutted not to be hearing it on some beach in Ibiza, where my alter ego currently resides having all the fun that I'm not allowed. Press play and get yo'selves a cool mojito and sit in the sunshine with your eyes closed. Oh or do a funny little drum and base dance to it, you know the one where it looks like you're patting a small dog... Woof.

An apple a day...

...keeps the residents of East london a happy bunch. I have no words for this, except for one maybe...DICK. Seriously, why can you not just carry your bloody apple in your bag like everyone else. Or actually eat it. It's made by Hermes, their tag being 'what better way to stay healthy and stay on trend?' I can't imagine. And if you were wondering, how the hell am I gonna eat this thing (I wasn't...) 'The strap is also equipped with a knife holder and horn handle knife so that one can slice their apple into edible chunks' - god forbid I should bite into it with my porceline veneers daddy bought me!

I wonder if they've thought of something for me to carry around my makeup, wallet, phone and pens and stuff yet. Oh hang on, they have, It's called a fricking BAG.. Rant over. And welcome to my blog by the way. It's basically an avenue for stuff I see that I like or don't like. See it as an extention of a status update. Just for the more self obsessed - I can write LOADS in here! Screw twitter - 140 chracters? pah! You can't however 'like it'. Which is probably for the best. So I can continually spout my own personal thought bubble to anyone who wants to listen without fear of 'comments', 'like' buttons, 'pokes' and 'defriending'. La la la I can't hear yooou...
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